A year ago Ryan and I went in for our first ultrasound. We were so excited to see the baby we’d fallen in love with for the past 10 weeks. Our world was turned upside-down that day and we left with our hearts shattered.
If you’ve never experienced that kind of loss, there’s no way to describe it to make you understand. And if you’ve never been pregnant after a miscarriage, there’s no way to explain the confusing, mess of emotions you feel celebrating a new pregnancy while still grieving your loss. Sometimes I think that this baby now is the same baby; he just needed to come a little later. Other times, I like to believe that I think that because it’s too painful and confusing otherwise.
That’s all I have to say today. Like I said, there are really no words for it. I just didn’t want to let the day pass unmarked.